Visual Cues ... in a Virtual World

Last week my neighbors and I were walking together, easily conversing, interrupting one another, and having side conversations. It was flowing 'fine' - normal, I'd say. One of our conversations was about how hard it is to talk on the phone and have side conversations and interruptions. For example, three of us could all walk and talk at the same time and little would be missed. But put me on the phone with Gail, and have my husband walk into the room and ask "Where are my car keys?" and I'm distracted and cannot concentrate on both his question and Gail at the same time. And the latter is the hardest.
Why is this?
I brought this question up in a meeting at work the other day, where there are all KINDS of smart people who have PhDs in these kinds of things. One cognitive scientist-type I work with said that visual cues play more of a part in our auditory conversations than we think. For example, while I could see Warren coming into the room to ask about his keys, Gail couldn't. She didn't pause in her part of the conversation and I had no way to signal her with eyes, a head-turn, or anything, that I need a half-second to divide my attention.
Then I thought about instant messaging, where again, we don't see one another. There are two things that immediately come to mind that have tremendously helped to make instant messaging more like talking:

1. The emoticons. As we know, a picture is worth a thousand words. And there are so many to choose from now - it's great to have a wink, a smile, or a sad face to express instantly what might not be able to be put in words. Call this a 'virtual visual cue' that you can send WITHOUT feeling like you're interrupting someone who's chatting.
2. The message on the status screen that the other person is writing. Perhaps you're in a multi-person chat and you're writing something. Half-way through, you see that another person is writing. That's a visual cue that perhaps someone wants to add something, has a question, or needs a clarification. No one has 'said' anything but you can see that you might need to pause.

Think about virtual visual cues the next time you're on the phone or in a chat discussion. Maybe with certain people (who tend to talk and keep talking) you have a signal - you press a phone button or something - that means you want them to pause for a minute. (I wouldn't try this unless the people on the phone have all agreed that this is acceptable behavior - it might come off kind of rude otherwise.) Or maybe your instant messaging is always kept to one sentence or less. Maybe you just pause more often, and ask (whether on the phone or in a chat) "What do you think" or "Are you with me" or something - to make sure that it's OK to go on.